Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Two Halves or One Whole

Hey loves!!! I’m here writing again!! This post is about my best friend and I. Me and B have been best friends since high school. Crazy enough in the beginning we had a strong dislike for each other but eventually that dislike turned into love. She has been the best, best friend a girl could ever wish for… and although we were complete opposites it somehow worked for us. I always knew I could count on her within our ten year friendship and I hope she know I would do anything for her. However, our friendship has not been the best recently. I’m not sure why. I know I can blame myself for a lack of communication. I would get so frustrated I started to make petty remarks or shut all the way down.

I have been upset with my best friend over some smaller things but I think my 25th birthday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had the night planned completely out Red Lobster and a comedy show!! Sounds fun right, right!! Before my birthday approached I had a strong feeling that I would not being seeing her. However, I tried to convince myself that I am simply overreacting because she told me that she would be at my house on time. Unfortunately, my intuition was right. My birthday came and past I did not see B. I also did not receive any I can’t make it call/text or even an I’m sorry text. Days later I reached out to B and decided to send her a text. All I wanted was a heartfelt apology. However, the only thing I received was a “Well I did call you.” She tried to explain how she had to work and then this and that happened and she would make it up to me. But the only thing I was hearing was an excuse. She also did not mention a 25th birthday redo past our initial conversation.  I felt the apology seemed like an I’m just saying this to shut you up. If I didn’t respond to the call why didn’t I have a voicemail left on my phone? Why didn’t I get a call/text the next day? Why was I the one that had to reach out to her when she is the one who missed my 25th birthday? That situation truly hurt my feelings. I honestly felt like that is when our friendship came to a horrifying crash.

I know I’m not perfect and I’m pretty sure I’ve done some things to piss her off. But can I at least have a conversation regarding those situations. I can’t change what’s wrong if I don’t know what’s wrong. Personally, I felt like I could have been a better friend when her father passed away or when she and her boyfriend ended their relationship. But I didn’t know how… B is a very private person. At least with me she is… She always mentions how she talked to another friend about various situations. But that leaves no room for me to help even if I wanted too. I guess they have everything covered in her eyes…

I know I haven’t been the best at communication but I at least I try. I know I may have mentioned in a joking manner about some issues that made me upset. Off the top of my head I remember addressing how a third party (my auntie) was telling me how B and her other best friend had all these remarks regarding me being jealous of their friendship and me not liking the other best friend. Another time I jokingly made a comment on how B can drive to see her ex or take the train to do anything but not once can she visit me at my apartment. I’ve been at my apartment two going on three years now.

Recently, I’ve just been feeling like I’m bothering her or getting on her nerves by calling. So I’ve decided to stop. I wanted to know if I wasn’t the one calling every single day would I receive my own phone calls. I may have received a small amount here and there but the times I could remember I was in the middle of something important. But listen up readers this is the crazy part. During that time period she completely moves hours away. I did not receive a phone call, text, voicemail, Facebook message, or anything. I had to find out via social media. I wanted to know if I’ll ever get a call so I waited a few days. Again nothing. When I finally called she explained how she called once and I respond with a quick I’m busy text. In my eyes that meant I was in the middle of something and couldn’t talk. But clearly I was right by my phone. Why couldn’t I receive a responding text saying, “Hey this is really important call me back.” That would have let me know hey maybe I should drop everything I doing and focus on my best friend. Maybe I wasn’t one of her more important friends because they had an entire goodbye gathering. Not to sound like a punk but it really hurt my feelings.

But loves I’m not here to say I’m the perfect best friend. I’m also not trying to say B was a horrible best friend. We had a great 10 year friendship. I know when two girls become women interest change, priorities are different, and values are different but I pray somehow we can overcome this hurdle and get back to being the best of friends. I want our pendant to become one again. This post has became a little lengthy and it’s barely half of what I’m feeling. But the money is calling and I have to return to work. Bye loves!!!


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

To Love or Not to Love

Wow its February already!!!!!!!! 2015 is already quickly passing by…. My love life has been absolutely crazy this year and it hasn’t even been two months!!!! So far me and A has went our separate ways… I’m not as distraught as I thought I would be. He was honestly my first love!!! I loved so much about that man. He showed me a taste of how it felt to have someone love me. He showed me the benefits of having experiences with the person you’re deciding to share your life. Now that we are over I’m trying my best not to think about him. Simply writing this post is making me feel a certain type of way. 

Surprisingly there has been a new love interest that has entered my life. Let’s just call this gentlemen I. Now I is my male best friend. We spend a lot of time together and we have never crossed the “friendship boundaries” until recently. Now the issue between I and me are that he has his own “situationships” and I just got out of my own situation. I do not want to rush into something brand new. I also don’t want him to stop communicating with his current love interest because just as easy as I can get him can be just as easy how I lose him. If we were to consider becoming more than friends I would want everything to happen naturally and not just rush into something because the option is currently on the table. But we shall see what happens… We have a trip to Alanta planned with each other soon so I’ll keep you posted!!!!